Many of my clients are perfectionists and self-flagellate their performance and output on a regular basis: basically, berating rather than cheering themselves on.
Neil was no different. The expectations that he put on himself and his team were exhausting and not sustainable. He knew this, which is why he arrived at Brighter Thinking, having been referred by a friend.
Neil felt that he “should be getting more done” both at work and in the evenings. He had no concept of what “enough” was and regularly worked late, which impacted on family time. This was making him feel worse because he was not present for his kids, or his wife. As he got more tired, more stressed, ate more junk food (“it is quick!”) and into this vicious downward spiral, he became more irritable with others and more and more fed up with himself. It was like he was addicted to these behaviours.
Neil wanted to push himself over the edge. However, what he needed was to learn and adopt to clear boundaries and understand what is possible for his brain and body to achieve in an average day. It was essential that he learnt about brain-friendly peak performance and adhere to it. Plus, commit to goals that I supported (and challenged!) him to achieve within three months so that he regained his mojo.
With regular challenge, holding him accountable and cheering him on, Neil experienced exactly what was feasible for him and his life. Not what was relevant for someone else’s schedule or lifestyle.
He learnt to set more realistic expectations around existing commitments both at work and at home. Plus, he looked after his energy, enjoyed breaks for his brain and as a result was so happy and satisfied with what he accomplished. He was no longer carrying over tasks to the next day(s).
He had stopped criticising himself. He was delegating more and asking for help. Neil was treating himself like an Olympic corporate athlete. His new habits meant that his work performance had increased and outcomes had soared!
“Most people overestimate what they can do in a day, and underestimate what they can do in a month. We overestimate what we can do in a year, and underestimate what we can accomplish in a decade.”
– Matthew Kelly, Australian author, The Long View (2014)
11 Questions to help you reflect
Do you recognise some of your own thinking and behaviours in Neil?
As we start the next quarter of the year, now is a great time to check in whether you are setting yourself up for success and take stock of how the last three months have gone for you.
How about asking yourself all or some of the following questions, whichever resonate the most:
How are you doing so far this year?
What is your favourite memory from the year so far?
Who have you spent the most time with in the last 3 months?
Where are you waiting to be “at your best” before moving forward?
What would you do if you trusted that you are enough already?
What feels stuck, heavy, or tender right now?
What expectations are you placing on yourself this week?
What would “just enough” look like today?
What support might make this feel lighter?
If you stopped rushing, what will you notice?
How could this month / next 90 days be different?
Remember, you get what you focus on.
* “Neil” is a pseudonym to protect client confidentiality.