Whether you are hunkering down as the weather gets colder in the Northern Hemisphere or brightening up with warm energy in the Southern part of the planet, this is generally a time that we tend to focus on the end of the year. It is Q4 so three months until this annum is complete.
Not surprisingly, it is a time for reflection and if there was cathartic clearing out last month, there may now be a slight and growing feeling of panic that there is little time to accomplish all the dreams and goals for this year. If only you had started on X sooner…
Humans can be great at regret. Wondering “what if I had done / said that instead?” Would life be different now? It wastes so much time and energy.
Two of the principles that I learnt in Neuro-Linguistic Programming practitioner training is that “humans make the best decision with the resources that they have at the time” and “behind every behaviour has a positive intention” and therefore we make our choices accordingly. This of course can be frustrating to others; however, every person is on their own bespoke learning journey through life.
Common regrets are:
Staying too long in a job or with an organisation
Staying too long in the wrong relationship because of fear
Waiting for the “right time”
Letting others lead and choose
Blaming others and not taking responsibility for your choices
Being too focused on pleasing others at your detriment
Thinking that you are not “good enough”
Not listening to your intuition or gut feeling
Not following your heart
Not listening to your body
Not having enough sex
Putting off a medical check up
Purchasing an item that you never use or love
Not contacting a family member or friend
Not studying
Working too hard
Not being authentic and true to yourself
Procrastinating because of fear of failure or success
Not starting sooner
Not giving something new a go
Staying stuck for too long because you did not ask for help
The author Daniel Pink has categorised regrets into
Foundational: about stability and responsibility
Boldness: concerning missed opportunities
Moral: ethical choices
Connection: neglecting important relationships.
If dwelled upon, regret can cause chronic stress, so it is better to forgive yourself and move on. Ensure to take the learning with you though.
Here are two easy questions to support you when making the next decision:
What will happen if I do this?
What will not happen if I do this?
… and remember, you are always doing better than you think you are!
“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline
or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces
while regret weighs tons.” – Jim Rohn