How have you been talking to yourself recently? If you are thinking “I don’t do that,” may I challenge that you most likely do because this is what the brain does when it is not engaged in any activity that induces flow. You perhaps have been very busy and drowned out your narrative circuitry. Some people do this deliberately. You know them, they are always looking at their ‘phone (especially when they are on their own) and sometimes with headphones on at the same time. Where I live, people even cross the busy roads like this, oblivious to the visual and audio cues of their environment. In SAS terms, they are walking around extremely unalert to what is going on around them.
As always with Brighter Thinking, I am here to prompt you to take a step back and notice, in this case, how you are communicating to yourself. This is about whether you are encouraging you (and those close by) or are stuck in a battle of berating and belittling and ‘labelling’ yourself. Sounds harsh, however, those “you stupid %X&*!” tuts and sighs of frustration all add up and will lead to poor mental health – and even depression. Your wellbeing depends on whether you are backing or loathing yourself. This will determine whether today goes to plan in that you achieve everything you want, perform at your best in all your social and work interactions and feel a happy sense of satisfaction and accomplishment when you go to sleep.
Twenty-one years ago, when I first learned Neuro-Linguistic Programming (this was before neuroscience in coaching!) its principles helped to change and shape my view. One of them is “the meaning of my communication is the response that I get.” I often support my life coaching and executive coaching clients to think about this in relation to their contact with others and improve their communication skills.
However, what about reflecting on the meaning of your communication to yourself and what response you are getting too?
Cheering yourself on, encouraging and giving yourself high-fives are much more helpful than telling yourself that you are no good, useless and “can’t do it.” Or all that self-talk worrying about something in the future that you have no evidence will absolutely happen. Plus, of course this applies to your thinking and communication towards everyone in your life.
So, here’s a challenge for this month:
Cheering yourself on, encouraging and giving yourself high-fives are much more helpful than telling yourself that you are no good, useless and “can’t do it.” Or all that self-talk worrying about something in the future that you have no evidence will absolutely happen. Plus, of course this applies to your thinking and communication towards everyone in your life.
So, here’s a challenge for this month:
Catch your thinking and communication
Celebrate your positive moments
Change any thinking or communication in the moment that you would not give your best friend (I say friend because sometimes clients forget that their partner is their best mate and get stuck in a habit of treating them as an enemy!)
Now, another presupposition of NLP is “People are always making the best choice available to them.” If you are struggling in a downward spiral of negative thinking, beliefs, communication, and behaviour either to yourself and/or with others and are not happy with the results that you are receiving, ask for help, from me or someone else.
Ultimately, Brighter Thinking exists to support (and challenge!) you to feel even better about yourself and be even more successful by learning – and applying – proven brain-friendly strategies to help you. There is always more to learn and sometimes we need a reminder of who we are and a champion of who we are becoming.